If you learn enough about something, dedicate time to understand its nuances, and fulfill “beauty in the struggle,” you can gain an unwavering passion for it. 

Close your eyes. Picture an old bar of Dial soap. Off yellow and off-putting. The kind of soap that sucks the life out of your skin. That is what beef tallow looks like before fully rendering it. 

Beef tallow is ostensibly uninteresting. Its opaque color, grainy mouthfeel, and vernacular connotation with lard all bode for my former displeasure.  

This is all that I would have said three weeks prior. Now, I have gained an unwavering passion for it.  

No, my voice is not raspy even though that would be super sexy! No, I did not kill a bear in Central Park. And no, I do not think the quality of drinking water can create a rippling LGBTQ+ effect. An interesting caveat, however, is that many of those that were born and raised in my childhood neighborhood are in fact gay.   

Time and energy are invaluable. Both of my resources have been employed on making the beef tallow’s texture akin to that of traditional dairy butter.  

My pores are quite literally seeping in tallow. Chef Kylie exclaims, “When are your dinner plans again? You are most definitely going to smell beefy tonight.” 

I say, “I have to be there by 7:45 pm. Thank you?”  

Our time in the kitchen can, at times, feel like we are getting mired in the bubbling fat. Because I simply cannot shut the f*ck up, I fill the space with, “Kylie, are you left- or right-handed? No, there is no follow-up to that question. Kyle, do you believe in drinking electrolytes? Kylie, how are you training for the New York City Marathon while also working 12-hour days?”  

Like the kitchen, training for a race is rooted in an objective first and a specific goal second. In other words, throwing shit at the wall and simply seeing what sticks. Or at least that is what we agreed on when trying 6 different samples of tallow on 100% whole wheat bread. 

Most of the samples coated our mouths like petroleum: waxy, lingering, and suffocating. 

But there was one! One sample that did not unequivocally suck. Adding in cultured cream to the tallow was the shit that stuck. 

The funny thing about passion is that when it’s hot, you must keep making more tallow before the fervor decides to desist.  

Next week we are trying four new protocols.  

Will the tallow continue to be tantalizing?